Dating Red Flags

I. PROJECTING THE FUTURE

  1. Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person exactly as they are?

  2. Would I want this person to raise my child?

  3. Would I want my child to be exactly like this person?

    II. ARE YOU TALKING YOURSELF INTO A RELATIONSHIP?

  4. Do I want to rescue or “help” them because I see their potential?

  5. I love the way they look or their status and it builds my self-esteem to be with them.

  6. We have some things in common and so I’m avoiding looking at glaring differences.

  7. They appear to be totally different than people I’ve been with in the past.

  8. I’m focusing on one important quality (money, sex, fun, humor, etc) and ignoring unmet requirements.

    III. DANGER SIGNS

  9. Reacts to frustration with anger, rage, blame

  10. Blames others or circumstances for life situation

  11. Tries to control everything, including me

  12. Immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible

  13. Emotionally distant or void, aloof

  14. Still pining for a past relationship

  15. Wants me to make their sad life better

  16. Married or otherwise unavailable to commit to me

  17. Active addiction, addictive behavior (rationalized as “not a problem”)

    IV. OTHER COMMON RED FLAGS

  18. Is pessimistic and negative about things that matter to me

  19. Lacks integrity in dealing with people, money, etc.

  20. Judgmental attitude toward themselves & others

  21. Unwilling to self-examine, accept feedback, take responsibility

  22. Doesn’t keep agreements

  23. What they say about themselves doesn’t match reality

  24. Emotional roller coaster, recurring or regular emotional drama

  25. This isn’t what I really want, but I don’t want to be alone

  26. Changeable, inconsistent behavior

  27. Inability to listen

  28. I notice myself trying to change this person to fit what I want, instead of accepting them for who they are

  29. Talks too much (especially about self), monopolizes conversation

  30. Overly quiet, withdrawn

    V. RESULTS

    If you answered “no” to any question in Section I, that’s a red flag. Answering “yes” in Sections II-IV would be a red flag.

    How many red flags were raised?

    Which items need close attention, decision-making, or require more information?

    On a scale of 0 (Not at all) to 100 (Perfect fit), what would be your minimum score for considering any relationship?

    After considering these red flags, how would you score this potential relationship?

    Based upon the above results, do you feel you should continue dating this potential partner?